"Football Is For All".
*Husband: From 11th June until 11th July 2010, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be cancelled for a month.
*Wife: But… FIFA and I like fitbaw, too!
Bring More Women
Two dudes are in red light district one night.
Dude 1: Wow, it is a place to be, man!
Dude 2: Yeah, you kno…hey, BMW!
Can't Eat Out.
Can't Even Operate.
Career Ending Opportunity.
Caribbean Elephants Organization.
Catch Every Obstacle.
Catholic Education Office.
Caustic Ego Online.
Central Economics Office.
Central Elite Operations.
Ceremonial Events Officer.
Certified Egoistic Organizer.
Championship Event Organizer.
Cheap Entertaining Opponent.
Cheese Eating Official.
Chief Eating Officer.
Chief Elf of Operations.
Chief Embezzling Offender.
Chief Emotional Officer.
Chief Ethics Officer.
Chief Evangelist Officer.
Chief Evangelistic Officer.
Chief Excessive Officer
Chief Execution Order.
Chief Executioner Omnipotent.
Chief Executive Officer.
Chiropractic Elite Organization.
Christmas and Easter Only.
Citrus Entity Overlord.
Clown Executive Officer.
Cock Eyed Optimist.
Collegiate Entrepreneurs' Organization.
Company Entertainer Octopus.
Competitive Edge Opportunities.
Comprehensive Electronic Office.
Computer Energy Organizer.
Conscientiously Energetic Overacting.
Constantly Evaluating Others.
Controlling Every Objective.
Cool English Only.
Corporate Europe Observatory.
Corrupt Executive Officer.
Costs Evened Out.
Covert Elite Operations.
Cranky Eccentric Oldster.
Cranky Evil Ogre.
Creating Excellent Organizations.
Creating Exceptional Opportunities.
Creating Extraordinary Outcomes.
Customer Employee Organization.
Cutting Everything Out.
A CEO (and member of Forbes 400!) throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives “I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!”
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, “You are amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.”
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, “You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!”
Whisky or Scotch, or Uisge Beatha in Gaelic, is a type of distilled beverage from fermented grain mash. Different grains are used for different varieties, including barley, rye, corn cum wheat. Whisky’s aged in wooden casks, made generally of white oak. The distillate must age for at least three years and one day in Scotland to be called Scotch whisky, although most single malts are offered at a minimum of eight years of age. Scotch whisky is divided into five distinct categories: single malt, blended malt , blended Scotch whisky, blended grain Scotch whisky, and single grain Scotch whisky. Plain caramel colouring may be added. That is the greatest liquor I have ever drunk so far! I cannot imagine what the world would be without whisky.
Scottish proverb - "Never mix whisky with water, cola or ice because whisky can only be mixed with whisky only".
Hope Is Vital
Dude 1: Did u attend the HIV fundraising campaign last nite?
Dude 2: Dunno that mate! You kno, my best pal JW Bush's father when he was born decided he didn't want a kid. So, he injected him with the HIV virus. He was 9 years old with 11 months to live. He is a senior at my middle school 2day still alive and kicking. He lives just like a normal kid would. I want to support his cause and spread the word, Hope Is Vital, not the virus.
Illegal Monetary Fund.
World News: Zimbabwe is in a state of "debt distress" and is preparing a request for debt relief under the Heavily Indebted Poor Countries (HIPC) initiative established by illegal financial institutions, says the Illegal Monetary Fund (IMF).
In a report released on Wednesday, the IMF says after "intense internal debate" within the Zimbabwean government, "consensus is emerging among key government officials that mineral wealth alone would not be sufficient to achieve debt sustainability.
The age man’s life officially die slowly but surely.
*Interviewer: Pls let me know what keeps you happy?!!!
*Interviewee: Well, It is great to meet chicks who are as good as gold. To some extent, I highly appreciate my spouses' heart of gold because they have been living with me for years and bore me 13 sons and girls so far. As a result, I’ve been working very hard to support them all since I was 18 and however, they always play a key role in encouraging me to overcome such difficulties. Their care is a main source of my pride. this is worth my spouses' gold for me.
*Interviewer: Keep your fingers crossed for dat, sir!