The April fool's joke of the computing
world and an embarrassment
to the open-source
philosophy. The brat that hasn't learned to shut the fuck
up and do something more productive
to its cause. The hacking
tool used by script kiddie
s who think they
are "l337 haxors
" after typing
10 lines of code in Pearl
. A prime
example of how group-think
leads to less productive activity. Communism
in electronic form. Now Im sure we all have
by now heard the same old cliches about
being the best thing
since sliced bread, but eventually, they just
beg to be examined a little more, as follows.
1) Linux is free
And I'm the king of Peru. If it really is free, then the Linux
have no pop-up
windows and ads asking for donations. Getting Luddix may be "free", but having to end up buying
up to $200 worth of new hardware just
to run a computer at 1/20 the speed of Windows 95
throws the whole concept
out the door.
Also the "Free
as in Beer" line is pure bullshit, because the can of Budweiser I got at the store
cost me $1.39, and it costs money
to get whole-grain wheat
flour to create home-brewed alcohol.
And no, dumb-ass, speech is not free
either. If you don't believe me, try going up to a cop and string some four-letter words
in his face, nd see if he will
respect your freedom of speech.
2) Linux is fast and does not contain bloat-ware like Micro$hit Windoze
If you think Microsoft
Windows is bloat-ware, you haven't tried Red Hat
, ELX, or SusE
, because THOSE define bloat-ware. Up to 7 CDs full of useless junk right there. And Luddix
alright, compared to the time
it takes for Neptune to circle around the Sun. And you won't believe how much RAM a typical Lunix
distribution gobbles up. Better make sure you have an extra
512MB stick of RAM handy. (Note: If you want to see a fast operating
system that's not Linux, check out BeOS
at www.bebits.com. Now THAT, my friend, is fast!)
3) Linux gives you choices.
have been fine
if there were 4 distribution
s. Hell, that would have
been okay if there were 9 distro
s. But 300 distros is fucking insane, especially
if 293 of them suck shit through
4) with Linux, you have a wide
variety of GUI
s and applications.
Yeah, too bad they are all poorly-designed, and look like ripoffs of anything that Microsoft
makes. Not to mention, having to type 30 fucking lines
of code just to get the program to open is pure joy.
5) 2005/2004/2000/1999/1998: The Year of the Linux Desktop.
The year came and went, Windows and Mac
OS logos are still flashing
on the screens of those who are not blessed with
ry of geek
ism. Where oh where did Tux go? The kernel that every
computer "expert" hyped would be the killer
of Micro$oft? Surely Walmart
can't hold up the weight of the Linux
community with its $300 Linspire
boxes (which end up being a dirt cheap way of installing Windows
on a new computer) Looks like the Lin-zealots lied
to us again, which is typical of those bastards. And it's also hard to believe that it's been over
10 years, and the fucking penguins STILL haven't created anything that even Apple would give a shit about.
secure and easier to improve than Windoze.
s, cultists, and malicious
coders get their hands on Lunix. If they haven't already. After all, it is open-source, and by definition, open-source means
that everybody gets
to contribute their input into the kernel.
7) The Linux community is willing
to lend a helping
hand to those not familiar to the kernel.
If a helping
(a) telling grandma to RTFM
(b) posting 9 spelling-error-filled pages of insults, death-threats, and jokes
about gay sex/male body parts/fairy-tale
creatures on a Linux message board
because she politely asked how to get her sound card
the Luddix community is the most generous group in the world.
8) Linux is more stable than Windoze
I like that, plus the fact that you can't run anything without 200 dependencies (see dependency
) or 30 lines of code.
we're done breaking down
the crap, here are some
things the Lunatix community has no choice but to fix, if they ever
want old Tux to be on more than
0.0003% of all desktops.
1) GET RID OF X! It is a waste
of resources and useless as a desktop
GUI. At least the guy who created
Linux had the right idea, and as a result, created
a distro that
actually isn't bloat
2) Get rid of all those useless fucking window managers and themes. They add more bloat
to the system.
3) Get rid of the snobs, l337 haxors, and religious extremists in your midst. If you ever
wonder why nobody is using Linux, it's because these bastards are the loudest and rudest
of the bunch.
4) NO MORE TARBALL
S OR COMPILES! The software should
already be compiled BEFORE
it is released, because that's just
pure fucking laziness and the programmer deserves to be hanged.
Lin-architecture so that programs don't need 200 fucking dependencies just
Lin-architecture so that it doesn't require a 5-hour compile whenever an updated
of a text-editor/MP3 player/Tux-Racer game is installed.
7) GET THE FUCKING HARDWARE TO WORK! If the "Winmodem
on a FreeBSD
box and a BeOS box with generic drivers, then there is no excuse for the modem
to not work under Linux.
8) Standardization is good, especially when it comes to file packaging and installation.
9) Get rid of all the useless fucking distros that
up the Internet. Nobody is going to use 290 of them anyway, so you might as well just
and focus your talents and resources (and MY donation money) on the 10 most
10) Make the emulation PERFECT! If WINE promises to emulate
Windows programs, then it damn well better emulate
every piece of Windows-compatible software sold at Office Depot
or Electronics Boutique
. Failure to do so is unacceptable and will
result in the purchase
of a real OS (Windows XP