24 definitions by al benedict

Top Definition
Television shows or glossy magazines featuring real estate, automobiles, gadgets, boats or furniture of the type preferred by the stereotypical yuppie, even if they are not written or shot with the intention of selling the actual products. A derogatory spin on the stereotype that yuppies receive the same stimulation from material objects that non-yuppies do from sex. Yuppie porno or yuppie pornography can be used.
"Yuppie porn at the New York Times": Title of an article on salon.com about the New York Times' new real estate quarterly.
Por Al Benedict 12 de noviembre de 2006
A phrase used by someone who wants any critical analysis of what they are saying to stop immediately.
"Global warming can't exist because it was cold last winter. That's just common sense."
Por Al Benedict 11 de junio de 2009
A 10-15 second period of total unresponsiveness encountered when using a PC running any version of Microsoft Windows. Traditionally occurs several times an hour. Just long enough to become disturbing and annoying, not long enough to inspire a reboot. Generally the mouse continues to move. When the moment ends, the user is usually left to deal with the consequences of the keys they struck in frustration while it was ongoing.
Sure, I'll pull that up right now. Ummm... Dammit, my computer's having a Windows Moment. Hang on.
Por Al Benedict 03 de agosto de 2007
An unreasonable request added to a task by someone who wishes you to fail. From the Monty Python "Knights who say Ni" sketch.
Bob: "In order to convince me that global warming is real, you will have to show that all temperatures everywhere on the globe are setting records at all times."

Bill: "Uh huh. Would you like a Shrubbery as well?"
Por Al Benedict 26 de junio de 2013
A tree one displays in one's living room in the middle of February. Generally, very similar to a Christmas tree, but much drier. Ideally decorated with small scraps of tinsel, but having a complete set of Christmas ornaments is acceptable. An alternate method of display is to lay it on its side in the front yard.

The proper method of celebrating a Valentine's Day Tree is to stay at least 3 feet away from it and not make eye contact.

A 4th of July tree is very similar, only with brown needles instead of green.
"Welcome to my place. Uh, please ignore the Valentine's Day Tree. It won't mind"
Por Al Benedict 05 de febrero de 2008
Driving a car with a small child in your lap. In the event of an accident, the child's body will help protect you from injury by cushioning the blow between yourself and the steering wheel.
Bob: Should you be talking on your cellphone while you're driving?
Bill: Relax, I'm Airbagging with the kid. Even if I hit something, I'll be fine.
Por Al Benedict 15 de abril de 2008
When something malfunctions by virtue of not existing at all. Taken (but not precisely) from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". In the original usage, a spaceship existed for a while and then spontaneously disappeared.
Bob: Can I borrow your car?
Bill: Nope. Sorry. It's having a total existence failure.
Por Al Benedict 22 de octubre de 2009

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