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3.
1.) What you do when your girlfriend is not at home.

2.) The reason why people buy playboys.

3.) The reason why old people are having more heart attacks.

4.) The reason why birth-rate decreased by 60% in the last 20 years.

5.) What 30% of the world population is doing now.
The old man had several heart attacks due to his recent masturbations. He had too much excitement
Por Jake 22 de abril de 2005
6781 3728
 
50.
I once heard the late George Carlin at a live performance reel off hundreds of witty slang synonyms for masturbation, but his final entry, and the punchline for his entire performance, was,

"Crowning the King."

I thought it was the funniest.
Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! Prince Andrew! How much longer are you going to be in there?

Prince Andrew: Just a little while longer, Grand Mum.

Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! You are not endevouring to masturbate in there, are you?

Prince Andrew: Of course not, Grand Mum--I'm Crowning the King!
Por Dr. Whosis 20 de diciembre de 2009
22 10
 
51.
The act of pleasuring oneself sexually. It happens most in males who are unable to quell their sexual desire at any given time.
Joe watched as Lexi walked to the front of the room, her perfect ass shaking back and forth with every step. He felt his penis stiffen. Looking down he saw the bulge in his pants.

Lexi turned and faced the class making her double d cups jiggle. This only perpetuated Joe's hard on. He tried to push it down with his hands but this only made him harder. His penis pushed up against his hands and broke through his flies.

Suddenly Joe looked up and saw that Lexi had her eyes on him. Joe's rod kept growing and he began to shiver.

Lexi began to dance, slowly shaking her hips. As Joe began to drool, Lexi reached down and unbuttoned her pants. In one motion she pulled them down, revealing a pink thong.

Joe's breathing increased as his penis rubbed against the top off his. Lexi pulled her shirt over her head and threw it towards Joe's feet. She was wearing a matching bra. As her eyes focused back on Joe her huge boobs jiggled.

Joe couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his exposed penis and began to masturbate. He began to moan as he felt his load building up.

By now the entire class had taken notice and gathered around his desk, but Joe couldn't stop. With a few more rubs he ejaculated, spraying shot after shot of hot sperm.

As Joe opened his eyes he saw Lexi, fully clothed, standing in front of him with her hand covering her mouth. She was staring at his penis.

Suddenly he realized he had imagined the entire thing. Frantically he ran to the door and headed for the bathroom.
Por Ero69 05 de mayo de 2012
10 1
 
52.
A form of sexual pleasure that people perform when they can't get enough sex. Some people do it several times a day. Others do it weekly or maybe even monthly.
Man, I can't get enough sex, I think I'll go masturbate.
Dude, I'm bored, I'm gonna go masturbate.
Por J_man 19 de mayo de 2008
24 15
 
53.
1. Masturbate for male: When a postpubecent male reveals his dick, it gets hard because he is horny and he starts to move his hand(s) up and down on it until he cums. Also know as jerking off or jacking off

2. Masturbate for female: When a woman puts her fingers or an object into her pussy and goes in and out until she has an orgasm. Also known as fingering

3. A way of sexually pleasuring oneself.
1. guy 1: I jacked off last night to your girlfriend's picture
guy 2: dude, thats sick

2. girl: I masturbated last night thinking about you.
guy: thats hot
Por AndyMac754 27 de octubre de 2007
32 23
 
54.
What your 12 year old Son or Daughter starts doing once their showers go from 5 minutes to 45 minutes in length.
Don't be fooled by the 45 minutes of "washing my hair" make sure everyone in your household takes a poop before you masturbate
Por itakelongshowers 05 de mayo de 2010
21 13
 
55.
What to do whenever you aren't in school or at work. Actually, you can do it there too, but be subtle.

I masturbated while I wrote this definition for urban dictionary.
Por IM JERKING OFF RITE NOW 04 de abril de 2009
18 10
 
56.
1. A long forgotten Karate teacher.

2. Self manipulation of the genitals in order to simulate sexual pleasure
Who the fuck would even consider going elite in the martial arts world if their surname is bate?

Wow, all the fun of sex anywhere, anytime. Might as well masturbate in class, I'm bored.
Por SlangMangg 30 de agosto de 2009
9 3